So a video of a woman being beaten (and that is an understatement) by other women over ‘snatching’ one of their man has gone viral. Unfortunately, I felt uncomfortable about sharing it on this platform. It made me sad.
My sadness stems from the fact that while most women decry violence against them by men, while we sport orange T-shirts shouting no to gender based violence predominantly perpetrated by men we have women beating other women over men.
Point number one. I do not understand the logic behind a woman claiming that another woman snatched a man from them. At this point why do we objectify men, treat them like possessions that can be stolen from wherever we often hide them.
Point number two. A man will leave you if he wants to. He will cheat on you if he wants to. He will cheat on you and stay with you if he wants to and you want too. He will whistle at other women on the streets and take them back to his apartment if he wants to. He will sell a sob story about you being a failure of a wife or girlfriend to the other girl/woman and she will buy it if she wants to.
For crying out loud, stop beating each other over men! They are not stolen, they go, and they leave. They choose to be with the other woman. And quite frankly it’s ok.
After you beat her up and put peri-peri on her privates-guess who will remove it?
Ok, no more pointers-but here is the thing.
All people have the right to choose whom they want to be with, at what times, doing what and in which manner. Get it in your head that people will leave you when they no longer want to be with you. You also will inevitably leave some people in your life.
But nobody belongs to anybody in that manner.
We lack a lot. As women we lack the understanding that a man who loves you, will stay with you no matter what, beating up one woman will not stop him from going to the next.
You will finish the whole village, community-whatever. You will beat them all; if cheating is his business he will cheat ad-infinitum.
When you are tired of beating all these women and girls you will realize you are fighting the wrong person.
Women fight each other ALL the time. For having their men ‘snatched’. They still fight each other after ‘snatching’ the men-just to ensure he will not come back for you.
One thing I know though is that I would fight anyone who represents a threat to the territory I have settled on. I would give a good fight to anybody who after I sweat to create and establish, seeks to uproot and take the spoils.
What is my point? When a person (read man), represents food on the table, clothes, luxuries and security we tend to mark them as our territory.
We have been raised in a society that tells us we are lucky to be wooed by men. A society that tells us if you get him-keep him-no matter what. Even though he punches you till you are smashed like avocado, till none of your teeth are yours, till your eyes beg replacement-keep him.
We have been made to believe men cheat because something is wrong with us as women. We forget that men are unique individuals. They will cheat if they want to anyway, whether your shower every hour, drown in cologne, cook like you are on an episode of Master Chef or whatever that is women are expected to do.
Women, young women in particular, you have to remember that you are special in many ways. You are special because you live and if you believe in God he made you special and that is enough.
Make yourself feel special if you do not think you are. Make yourself relevant by educating yourself. By doing the things you love, by loving yourself. When you do this you will realize a man’s compliment of how special you are is just a bonus. If he withdraws it you remain intact.
You will even realize you prefer a man of your own than one whose ‘title deed’ you have to negotiate ownership with another woman, one who has another official woman or one who visits you nicodemously.
Do not harass another woman over a man she has ‘stolen’ from you. If you ‘steal ‘a man do not harass the woman you have ‘stolen’ from. What belongs to you stays with you. No matter what.
Some people leave you, cheat on you or whatsoever because they are not tied to your destiny. They may be obstacles to getting things done in your life, or they may clearly be unworthy for the person you are. Let them go.
Moments like these should give everywoman a chance to decide the kind of person she wants to be. Deep down, in our hearts we hurt, the pain runs deep, the wounds fester, we are in pain but when we put ourselves out there, we look tough and collected, abuse each other yet go back to cry in our beds. Our worth is immeasurable. It’s not in fighting each other over men who will not fight for us anyway. It’s in being brave enough to stay with those who want to stay.
Just in a few words